Just the possibility gave me chills. The possibility to see you, to be near you and pretend to ignore you. regreted mt earlier decision, and mostly I regreted not being there.
That's why I say yes to everything, and that's why I'm always out and never home. Because of that small window, when faith gives me a few seconds to be where you are, to be seen by you and to see you...
To crave you and just be happier that one day by pretending you saw me too and you too were as happy to see me.
Pretending is all I do, pretending I don't care, pretending I don't still love you, pretending I'm not waiting, pretending I'm happy, pretending I'm not broken, pretending I am still the same, pretending like nothing gets to me. That I'm fine. Fine. But fine is the air I breathe, fine is the food I eat. Fine is not me right now.
I feel pain everywhere. Parts of me I didn't even know existed are hurting so much I can hardly breathe.
Watching myself in the mirror hurts, and I cry everytime I do it because I'm always standing alone.
Because all I do now is cry myself to sleep. And that calms me, it's a way to still be with you.
To still be someone that cries over you, someone that was once in your life and meant something to you.
That's all I have now: tears. So don't tell me to stop, please don't help me make me feel better.
Because crying is all I can do not to feel alone.
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